就何某人于粉丝群无故拉黑本人的启事

行政长官

启事编号：2025/05 (A)(MC)


致：何某人
敬启者：  

关于本人被无端列入贵群黑名单并于违规理由一栏标注「他是我的男神」一事，经审慎研究，现作如下「高度重视」之回覆，盼阁下「以科学态度」正视此次「跨次元逻辑崩坏事件」：  

1. 就「违规理由之科学性」的专业评估  
阁下将「他是我的男神」列为拉黑依据，此等逻辑堪比将「我的八达通落在极兽聚现场，被某极兽聚参展者当滨港市政一卡通 (交通联合版) 使用了」列为上学迟到理由——既未注明「男神认证有效期」，亦未附「情敌拉黑优先级对照表」。根据《Minecraft兰溪省服务器秋叶原特别行政区男神认可附属条例》（秋叶原法例第666章）（本司自行编纂），建议补充以下佐证材料：  
1. 《男神主权归属公证书》（需经公证处确认「该男神瞳孔颜色与你手机壁纸像素吻合」）；  
2. 《情敌威胁等级评估表》（需详细记录本人「每日呼吸次数是否超过你对男神的默念次数」）；  
3. 《拉黑行为必要性说明书》（需论证「拉黑动作与维护男神纯洁性之间的函数关系」，建议用Excel绘制「嫉妒值随聊天记录增长的抛物线」）。  


2. 对「社群管理流程」的善意提醒  
阁下在未启动「情敌风险评估听证会」、未公示「男神守护紧急预案」的情况下贸然执行拉黑，程序上涉嫌「凭多巴胺分泌量决策」。现提供标准化操作建议：  
- 先发起群投票「是否同意将长得像我男神的人拉黑」（选项需包含「不确定」「看心情」「建议先让他发男神照片对比」）；  
- 安排「男神脸盲鉴定专员」进行三维扫描比对（若贵群无此编制，可临时委任「连续三年抢到演唱会前排的资深粉丝」兼任）；  
- 最终拉黑前需发送「情敌告知书」，内附「你与男神的基因相似度检测报告」（建议使用美图秀秀APP「夫妻相测试」功能生成，具法律效力）。  


3. 关于「恢复群籍之可行性」的补充说明  
若阁下坚持「男神唯一性原则」，本人可配合提供以下「非情敌证据」，所列明的试卷由秋叶原市考试及评核局编写：  
1. 「男神相关知识测试卷」（满分100分，在秋叶原市考试及评核局、秋叶原市兽迷聚会、秋叶原市兽人权益保障公署各派出1名职员；黄林市交通局、廉政公署、宝可软件开发及兽装工作室各派出3名职员作为考官的情况下，行政长官本人得分12分，证明「对男神的了解程度低于百度百科自动跳转次数」）；  
2. 「近期聊天记录关键词分析」（统计显示「男神」出现频率为0，「剧」出现3次以上，可证「注意力集中于剧集而非情敌」）；  
3. 「虚拟情敌隔离承诺书」（承诺「若未来遇见男神，将主动转身背诵圆周率至小数点后100位、2023届极兽聚所有参展者的兽设名称、默写《2022年北京市大兴区九年级第二次期末模拟考试 英语卷》阅读B篇《Sharing Joy with Other》或出示香港巴士迷会/香港巴士迷世界会员证」，确保不构成视觉威胁」）。  


本司始终相信，健康的粉丝群应建立在「执法公平、公正、公开、透明」的基础上。若阁下持续以「玄学标准」管理粉丝群，建议同步开设「UNO牌入群审核通道」及「群成员帅爆镜违规申诉热线」，以便成员根据「梦见男神穿什么颜色袜子」来申报情敌风险等级。  

此致  
林闫市、兰原市、莹明市市长
何某人

秋叶原市行政长官

兰熙 启

2025年6月1日  

（附：本函附件含《如何区分「正常群友」与「情敌转世」操作指南》，第5页注明「若仍无法区分，建议用掷骰子决定拉黑对象，概率均等显公平」）

如有歧义，则以英文版为准。

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Notice No.: 2025/05 (A)(MC)  

To: Mr./Ms. He (He Mouren / Hu Maren)

Dear Sir/Madam,  

Re: Formal Response Regarding Unjustified Inclusion in Your Group's Blacklist with the Violation Reason Stated as "He is My Male God" ("他是我的男神")   

Following careful deliberation on the matter of my unwarranted inclusion in your group’s blacklist—wherein the cited violation reads "He is My Male God"—I hereby provide this "highly-regarded" response. It is my earnest hope that you will address this "cross-dimensional logic collapse incident" with a "scientific attitude":  

1. Professional Assessment of the "Scientific Validity of the Violation Reason"  

Your designation of "He is My Male God" as grounds for blacklisting exhibits logic comparable to citing "My Octopus card was left at the Super Furry Fusion venue and mistaken by an attendee as a Bingang Civil Pass" as justification for tardiness to school. Notably, it fails to specify the "Male God Certification Validity Period" or attach a "Priority Blacklist Comparison Table for Rivals in Love." Pursuant to the Minecraft Lanxi Province Server Qiuyeyuan Special Administrative Region Male God Recognition Subsidiary Regulations (Qiuyeyuan Ordinance Chapter 666) (self-compiled by this Office), the following supporting documents are recommended:  

1. Certificate of Male God Sovereignty (notarized to confirm "the male god’s pupil color matches the pixels of your phone wallpaper");  

2. Rival Threat Level Assessment Form (detailing whether "my daily respiratory rate exceeds your frequency of silently invoking the male god’s name");  

3. Statement of Necessity for Blacklisting (demonstrating the "functional relationship between blacklisting and preserving the male god’s purity," preferably via an Excel-generated "parabolic curve of jealousy levels relative to chat history growth").  

2. Good-Faith Reminder on "Community Management Procedures"  

Your abrupt execution of the blacklist—absent a "Rival Risk Assessment Hearing" or public disclosure of a "Male God Protection Emergency Protocol"—procedurally suggests "decision-making based on dopamine secretion levels." Standardized operational recommendations are hereby provided:  

- Initiate a group vote: "Should individuals resembling my male god be blacklisted?" (Options must include "Uncertain," "Depends on Mood," and "Request Photo Comparison with Male God First");  

- Assign a "Male God Facial Recognition Specialist" for 3D scanning and comparison (if no such position exists, temporarily appoint a "senior fan who secured concert front-row seats for three consecutive years");  

- Prior to final blacklisting, issue a "Notice to Rivals," enclosing a "Genetic Similarity Report Between You and the Male God" (generated via Meitu Xiuxiu App’s "Couple Compatibility Test" function, legally binding).  

3. Supplementary Notes on "Feasibility of Group Membership Reinstatement"  

Should you uphold the "Principle of Male God Exclusivity," I am prepared to submit the following "non-rival evidence" (examinations drafted by the Qiuyeyuan City Examinations and Assessment Bureau):  

1. Male God Knowledge Test (scoring 12/100 when proctored by 1 staff member each from the Qiuyeyuan Examinations Bureau, Qiuyeyuan Furries Party, and Qiuyeyuan Furry Rights Protection Authority; and 3 staff members each from Huanglin Transport Department, ICAC, and pokOS APPs(IT) & Fursuit Work Shop—proving "knowledge of the male god is inferior to Baidu Baike (Baidu Encyclopedia also) auto-redirect counts");  

2. Keyword Analysis of Recent Chat History (data shows "male god" frequency: 0; "drama": >3 times—evidencing "focus on TV series, not rivals");  

3. Virtual Rival Isolation Pledge (committing to "recite Pi to 100 decimal places, all 2023 Super Furry Fusion attendees’ fursona names, or the 2022 Beijing Daxing District Grade 9 Second-Term English Mock Exam Reading Passage B Sharing Joy with Others upon encountering the male god; or present a Hong Kong Bus Fans Club/World membership card to eliminate visual threat").  

This Office maintains that healthy fan communities thrive on "fair, just, open, and transparent governance." Should you persist in managing the group via "metaphysical standards," we recommend establishing a "UNO Card Entry Review Channel" and a "Group Member Handsomeness Violation Appeal Hotline," allowing risk-level declarations based on "dreams of the male god’s sock color."  

Yours faithfully,  

Mayor of Linyin & Lanyuan & Yingming City  

Mr./Ms. He

Chief Executive, Qiuyeyuan City  

Lanx  

1 June 2025  

(Enclosed: Guide on Distinguishing "Regular Members" from "Reincarnated Rivals," Page 5: "If distinction remains impossible, blacklist targets via dice roll—equal probability ensures fairness.")  

In case of discrepancy, the English version shall prevail.

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啓事字號：貳零貳伍年五月（甲）（礦藝）

謹呈何某人：  

伏惟鈞鑒：  

茲有僕無端見錄於貴網絡閒敘羣禁籍，且事由欄注「彼乃吾之檀郎」（「他是我的男神」）一事，經再三詳考，今作「至為鄭重」之應，伏望閣下「秉格物之誠」正視此「三界理法淆亂之變」：  

甲、論「事由之格致」

閣下以「彼乃吾之檀郎」為禁籍之據，其理猶若「吾之八達通卡遺落極獸聚，竟被參會者充作濱港市政一卡通（交通聯合版）」，既未載明「檀郎印可之期」，亦未附「情仇禁錄次第對照表」。依《礦藝蘭溪省伺服器秋葉原特別行政區檀郎品鑒則例》（秋葉原律第六百六十六章）（本司私纂），宜補呈左證：  

甲、《檀郎主權文契》（須經官驗「其瞳色與君屏畫素點相契」）；  

乙、《情仇脅勢品秩冊》（詳錄「僕日息之數可逾君默誦檀郎之頻」）；  

丙、《禁錄事要陳情書》（須證「禁錄之舉與護持檀郎玉質之函數勾連」，宜用方田術繪「妒火隨言談積增之彎矢圖」）。  

乙、諫「羣治章法」

閣下未啟「情仇風議堂」、未頒「檀郎護持急務條」，遽行禁錄，恐涉「憑髓海潮汐決事」。今獻規程如左：  

- 先集衆議「應否禁類吾檀郎者」（選項須含「難定奪」「隨心意」「宜令其先傳檀郎真容比照」）；  

- 遣「檀郎貌辨使」作三維影勘（若無專員，可權委「三載奪極獸聚歌臺首座之耆粉」代行）；  

- 終禁前須發「情仇告牒」，內附「君與檀郎骨相殊異驗冊」（薦用美圖秀秀「伉儷容契」之術生成，視同官印）。  

丙、陳「復籍之途」

若閣下持守「檀郎唯一律」，僕可呈「非情仇鐵證」，憑秋葉原市考試及評核局題卷驗之：  

甲、《檀郎典要試策》（滿貫百數，當秋葉原市考試及評核局、秋葉原市獸迷聚會、秋葉原市獸人權益保障公署各遣一吏；黃林市交通局、廉政公署、寶可軟件開發及獸裝工作室各遣三吏監試時，提舉自試得十二分，證「其知檀郎猶遜詞海躍轉之數」）；  

乙、《近時言談機樞析》（載「檀郎」頻現零次，「劇談」逾三，可鑒「神注優孟非在情仇」）；  

丙、《虛妄情仇絕誓書》（立契「若逢檀郎，當即背誦圜率至百位、癸卯極獸聚諸獸設名、默書《貳零貳貳年北京市大興區九年級第二次期末摹考·英吉利文卷》閱乙篇《Sharing Joy with Other》或示香港巴士迷會/香港巴士迷世界符」，保絕目觸之患）。  

本司素信良羣當立「法度平、正、明、透」之基。若閣下恆以「玄幽之規」治羣，宜並設「烏諾牌入羣勘驗道」「羣英俊逸違例訟牘驛」，俾衆依「夢檀郎襪色」申報情仇品秩。  

謹此  

林閆市、蘭原市、瑩明市市長  

何某人 鈞啟  

秋葉原市行政長官

蘭熙 頓首

貳零貳五年六月初一  

謹附注：

本牘副貳《辨「常羣儔」與「宿世情仇」指訣》，其第五葉載「若猶難剖判，當以六博決疑（骰子），機率均等示公平」。

若有文義相舛，則以英吉利文本為正。